Why I am pansexual

It’s Pride Month! And I’ve been slacking a bit (actually I have been lining up some future posts, so there shouldn’t be more odd gaps in my posting.)

But I figured I’ve talked quite a bit about my relationships and various geeky things but not so much about the “pan” part of (PG)^2.  So here is why I identify as pansexual and a little bit more about what that means.

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What I Watched: Venus Boyz

Venus Boyz movie poster

On Netflix streaming or I’m sure you can find it elsewhere online but I don’t see it on the usual legit documentary sites.


I have been to ONE drag show in my life. It was an accident actually, it was my friend’s birthday and she wanted to go to the local gay bar (yes, the singular gay bar, for those of you in bigger metropolitan areas) for dancing and drinking. First, you can tell how good of a friend she is by the fact that I went to a bar for her. But secondly it turned out that it was drag show night at the bar. It was primarily Drag Queens, but one King stood out doing one of the best Michael Jackson “impression”/lip sync and dancing that I’ve ever seen. He was fantastic.


Venus Boyz is about drag kings in Manhattan, but it’s even more about female masculinity. What does it mean to be a drag king? What does it mean to be androgynous, butch, or femme?  Some of the women featured slipped back and forth, some identified strongly one way or the other.  And watching someone very feminine face transform into a masculine one is fascinating. Some of the performers described it as charged with erotic energy and, I personally could feel some of that.  Watching a king and a queen talking to each other in their street voices yet in their stage makeup is a mindfuck, but in the best sort of way.

Interesting was one woman’s experience becoming a black man and experiencing the racism directed at a black man – they’ll steal, they’ll harm you, etc. – rather than as a black woman.  Another described his history as growing up the only black child with his mother’s family (Alaskan Native/European), his mother was a lesbian and poor and his father was black and Chocktaw with at least one cross-dressing pic of his own. He had just started identifying as trans.  I need to stop telling people’s stories here!  It’s fascinating though. His point was how on the margins he’d always been and walking those margins now was where he belonged. There’s also some really cool parts showing some women learning how to occupy space, walk, and even move your eyes like men.

Augh, enough! I can’t summarize the whole thing.


I have a fascination with androgyny and gender roles. I find people who cross those boundaries very appealing and often attractive. And there’s just something about a woman with a shaved head that I can’t quite explain.  But the kings in this movie made it clear that it is about power and empowerment whether sexual, artistic, or social and that’s what makes this so awesome. Watch this, learn things!

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Weekend Geekery

I am off to the woods to vanquish enemies with sword, shield and magic. Do something geeky today and tell me about it!

Perhaps another post later today if I can move my fingers.

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Girls Night Geekery

Our local gaming group had our girls night this evening. It was full of madness and hilarity and inappropriate comments. Actual gaming has so far been kept to a minimum.

We played a party game and then wrapped up with Cards Against Humanity. There seem to be two subsets of us, those who have no problems making dirty jokes and playing CAH and those who are not really comfortable. We try to accommodate both, but it’s really pretty hard when we really want to play the most inappropriate of games. If you haven’t played CAH it’s like Apples to Apples with sex, holocaust and poop jokes.
Buy it. Play it. Love it.

But that’s it for today. Nothing else has been exciting since finding out that the face eating guy in Florida was apparently NOT a zombie.

So what sorts of geeky things are you up to? What do you want to know more about?

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I have been seeing Donovan for just over a year now. We live 500 miles apart, so “seeing” is sometimes a stretch. We met through a mutual friend, who also knows James, and were introduced because I was doing my thesis on this weiiiird topic called polyamory.  (Long story, but I never finished the thesis.)

We have the biggest age difference of any of my partners, and that generational gap can be hard sometimes. He’s also married, and did I mention he lives 500 miles away? He’s a geek, and a writer, and the sort of pagan expert guy (technical term) who teaches (unless you are an unwilling non-believer girlfriend…long story.) When he smiles the room lights up, and when he puns the walls themselves groan.

When we finally met it was Beltane. And oh, was it Beltane *grin*
Our first few months were a whirlwind of gaming and geek conventions wrapped up with me falling for another couple. It ended badly between the couple and I and Donovan got the worst of it. He had to learn how to share far too soon after we got together, and then had to learn how to deal with a break-up..something I hadn’t done while still having other partners. Add in that the new exes are also friends of his, and it was a perfect storm. I don’t feel like I have been the best girlfriend to him…I know I haven’t. With the breakup, money shortages, health problems and just life getting in the way our nearly monthly visits turned into every three months or so. It’s the “or so” that kills things.

I love him, I do, but I dislike the distance I feel when we’re so far away. It’s our job to do something about it, but I mostly blame myself. Without Donovan I wouldn’t have had some wonderful experiences, and I wouldn’t have had someone to cushion my fall. (Here comes the sappiness) If I’ve made it sound like I don’t care or love him I’m doing it wrong. I love him so, so very much. Even if I frustrate the hell out of him. And I know the feeling is reciprocated…the love not the frustration. Anyway, i hope to be seeing him this July and to stop trying to use my words to express my feelings. Sometimes I suck at words.

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My apologies in advance for how rambling this post is, but read the post and you’ll probably understand why it is this way.

I’m broke, aching and worn out. Let me rewind a bit. I drove up to visit Will yesterday after work (yeah I get to work on holidays, go me…) he was running two test games of D&D “Next”. We had a blast, honestly, give it a shot if you know someone in the beta. I managed to make it up there without spending any actual money thanks to a horded gas card from two Christmases ago and a ten cent discount from a Kroger Plus card.

Will and his other girlfriend cooked a ton of food, brats and burgers on the grill, pasta salad, roasted potatoes, queso, buffalo chicken dip…have I mentioned my guy can cook? (Our guy? One of my guys?) Game was fun, and we got some cuddle times after. I’d hoped to spend the night, but we both needed better sleep than that.

Which leads me to…I really hate goodbyes. Why do I hate goodbyes? I hate being alone.

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What I Watched: Tying the Knot

Poster pic

Watch it here

If you have that family member who isn’t actively anti-gay but can’t quite bear to “be ok with” same-sex marriage, try watching this film with them.  It shows clearly how in love couples are, but also the harm caused by not recognizing marriage. There is a widow who could not receive her all but legal wife’s police pension, a widower whose home was taken away by cousins of his deceased husband; whether it’s legal restrictions or downright cruelty, the pain is very, very real.

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Weekend Geekery

This evening I have a World of Darkness game to play in – we’re something of a mixed bag as far as where we’re going with it – and I may or may not be gaming some on Monday depending on if I stay in town with friends or family or visit Will for a Pathfinder or D&D beta game. I may even see daylight.. outdoors. (And this sticks well within my “don’t spend money because you don’t feckin’ have any” rule.)


  • Tor.com just did an article on World of Darkness if you’re curious
  • Matt Smith carried the torch!
  • BLACKOUT is a fantastic book.  Have you read the Newsflesh series? Zombies? Bloggers? My favorite author ever (under a pen name)?  Read them all!
  • Watch Stephen Fry in America. I’m entertained enough by it that I’m getting no cleaning done in my kitchen.

And, I recommend the game We Didn’t Playtest This At All for a silly, short and fun card game. I got it for fairly cheap on Amazon, but it looks more expensive there now.  It’s ridiculous and awesome for it.

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Time is Money… which is why there’s never enough of either.

Watch and coinsSo, I woke up this morning to a negative bank balance of WTF. How did this happen? I was $500 ahead, right? So I check my account and realize that I have fucked up royally.  I moved my already meager savings over to checking and then drove through an ATM on the way to work to deposit some money from my graduation (Mental note: I really need to finish my thank you notes…)

Does everyone cringe before looking at their bank account balance or is that just me?  Is this some habit of avoidance I’ve developed because I’ve always felt short on money? (Answer: Yes.) Or is it something that everyone does?

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There is an art, it says,…

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Happy Towel Day everyone!  Pick up a Douglas Adams book today and discover the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.  Spoiler alert: The answer is 42.


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May 25, 2012 · 7:00 pm