Category Archives: Love

Status Report (part 2)

This part will be easiest if we just start from scratch. So yes, forget everything else written before now. Unless I say otherwise. To be revoked at a later date upon my say so.

For various reasons I’m using pseudonyms. Because it amuses me I’m using animals. If you have a problem with it, well you’re not dating them, are you?

Current relationships:

Hound Dog: Hound Dog and I have been together since the beginning of February of this year (2013 in case you’re not paying attention). We moved in together at the end of March and I am honestly as happy as I can remember being in a long, long time. We both feel as if we’ve been together for years. Hound is monogamous, but is making a huge effort – and believe me it is huge- to be OK with my polyamory. I anticipate writing some about the mono-poly struggle as we go along. But we’re being brief and summarizing here! Hound is older than I am by a little over a decade. He was in a bad accident about six years ago, and this has left him with ongoing medical and physical problems. That too has an effect on our relationship at times. I’m in this for the long term, but then aren’t I always? He brings me breakfast in bed and knows what kind of yogurt I like (I don’t, that’s another story.)

Bear: Bear and I are in the very beginnings of a relationship. We’re taking baby steps as Hound works on feeling jealous. Balancing the needs of a current partner with my own needs and also wanting to protect Bear from being hurt by any fallout is quite a juggling act, but I think I’m becoming better at it. Currently we’re at the point of having “day visits” and I’m much looking forward to our next one. Bear hugs like his namesake, and he also makes me very happy. He lives about four hours away but so far managing the long distance part seems doable. I miss him when he’s not here, but I also have someone to cuddle up with and snuggle up to and to love and kiss here. Bear doesn’t have a local relationship as of my writing of this (AFAIK, let me know if I got it wrong!).

Fox: I’ve known Fox for a decade and we started seeing each other somewhere around eight years ago. Now? I don’t know what to call us. I still love him, but we’re separated by 15 hours of driving, and I haven’t seen him in person for years now. We talk nearly daily, but not as often as we used to. Perhaps he is my sweetheart? I’ll find words someday. I call him caro mio meaning “my dear” or “my heart.” Fox is married in an open marriage and was already married when we started seeing each other. Love comes in all varieties.

Now you have reference material when I talk about things… and I know what names I’m supposed to call everyone!

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Zen pencils is awesome, but I feel like this quote speaks to my previous “Why” post.
Click here for the pretty comic and the inspirational message ->
RAY BRADBURY: Jump!.

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September 1, 2013 · 8:00 am

Why?

I lie in bed sometimes and think about what happens if this relationship falls apart. If this developing “us” goes to pieces. If I’ll be left again, or if I’ll hurt someone as badly as I have been hurt in the past. What a beautiful gift is someone’s heart and how fragile it can be. How much power we give to someone else when we love them.

Why do we do it? I lie there and wonder why I shouldn’t just find a comfortable hobbit hole to live in and be comfortably and safely alone.

And all I come up with is that the rewards are worth the risks. The joy of loving and of being loved outweighs the pain of being hurt. Add in our tendency to allow current emotions to overwhelm our past heartaches and we find that loving grows our hearts and it grows ourselves. It is when we put others first without begrudging them for it. And it is happiness in the smallest of things. A smile. A hand on your leg. A message left for you to find.

So why? Because it’s worth it.

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