It’s Pride Month! And I’ve been slacking a bit (actually I have been lining up some future posts, so there shouldn’t be more odd gaps in my posting.)
But I figured I’ve talked quite a bit about my relationships and various geeky things but not so much about the “pan” part of (PG)^2. So here is why I identify as pansexual and a little bit more about what that means.
So lets start with me. I don’t really know when I first realized I was attracted to women as well as men. I grew up going to Catholic school and for the longest time it wasn’t even an option I considered. I hit a point sometime between college and grad school where I realized I was evaluating all of my friendships for possible romantic feelings, not just my friendships with guys. But nothing happened. I had dated the same guy throughout high school and college (ugh, “the ex”) and started dating James shortly after. None of my female friends showed reciprocal interest – ok to be fair, none of them showed interest that I picked up on; I’m fairly certain that I didn’t really show any interest either. I didn’t know what I was doing and I wasn’t really committed. I knew a couple of my classmates were bi or gay, but they were in relationships and weren’t openly polyamorous.
Hell, I wasn’t openly polyamorous. I was hiding my relationship from a lot of people at that point.
Alright so, for a while I started identifying as “heteroflexible.” I’d made a commitment to myself that I wouldn’t identify as bisexual until I’d had some sort of actual relationship – sexual or romantic- with a woman.
So then I did, and it was fantastic and wonderful and I was flying so high until the whole thing crashed and burned faster a faulty remote control plane. But that’s a story for another time. I love being with another woman, it’s fantastic and I do really hope to find another woman to be in a relationship with again.
Tada, relationship with a woman meant I could be bisexual now, right? Let me add an aside here: I know that being in a relationship isn’t a requirement for sexual orientation, but it was a limit I put on myself for my own identity, not one I’d put on anyone else’s identity. It’s also something that I have dropped as I started to identify as pansexual. Since college I’ve met multiple people who don’t fit into cissexual gender standards: some trans*, some whose pronouns changed daily (I don’t know if they identified as genderqueer or not, I didn’t ask), and some who presented butch or femme. I also learned, read, and educated myself. And I discovered I really am attracted to all different varieties of people. Cis, trans, butch, femme, androngynous, genderfluid, and so on. So bisexual just didn’t feel like it worked for me anymore.
I don’t mean this as a slight to people who identify as bisexual, not by any means. Do all bisexuals exclude non-binary genders from their attraction? No. Nor is it, in my opinion a bad thing for people to identify and be attracted to whoever they are attracted to. Is there some transphobia there? Sometimes? Maybe? I’m not really qualified to speak to it.
But to me, I needed something broader than being “bi”. So I heard about pansexual, and *poof* it fit. And it still does.
Be proud of who you are. Whether you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, transgendered, transexual, genderfluid, genderqueer, asexual, aromantic, androgynous, butch, femme, two spirited, third gendered or an ally.
Be proud, fuck who you want to fuck, love who you want to love, be who you want to be.