I have been seeing Donovan for just over a year now. We live 500 miles apart, so “seeing” is sometimes a stretch. We met through a mutual friend, who also knows James, and were introduced because I was doing my thesis on this weiiiird topic called polyamory. (Long story, but I never finished the thesis.)
We have the biggest age difference of any of my partners, and that generational gap can be hard sometimes. He’s also married, and did I mention he lives 500 miles away? He’s a geek, and a writer, and the sort of pagan expert guy (technical term) who teaches (unless you are an unwilling non-believer girlfriend…long story.) When he smiles the room lights up, and when he puns the walls themselves groan.
When we finally met it was Beltane. And oh, was it Beltane *grin*
Our first few months were a whirlwind of gaming and geek conventions wrapped up with me falling for another couple. It ended badly between the couple and I and Donovan got the worst of it. He had to learn how to share far too soon after we got together, and then had to learn how to deal with a break-up..something I hadn’t done while still having other partners. Add in that the new exes are also friends of his, and it was a perfect storm. I don’t feel like I have been the best girlfriend to him…I know I haven’t. With the breakup, money shortages, health problems and just life getting in the way our nearly monthly visits turned into every three months or so. It’s the “or so” that kills things.
I love him, I do, but I dislike the distance I feel when we’re so far away. It’s our job to do something about it, but I mostly blame myself. Without Donovan I wouldn’t have had some wonderful experiences, and I wouldn’t have had someone to cushion my fall. (Here comes the sappiness) If I’ve made it sound like I don’t care or love him I’m doing it wrong. I love him so, so very much. Even if I frustrate the hell out of him. And I know the feeling is reciprocated…the love not the frustration. Anyway, i hope to be seeing him this July and to stop trying to use my words to express my feelings. Sometimes I suck at words.