What I Watched: Tying the Knot

Poster pic

Watch it here

If you have that family member who isn’t actively anti-gay but can’t quite bear to “be ok with” same-sex marriage, try watching this film with them.  It shows clearly how in love couples are, but also the harm caused by not recognizing marriage. There is a widow who could not receive her all but legal wife’s police pension, a widower whose home was taken away by cousins of his deceased husband; whether it’s legal restrictions or downright cruelty, the pain is very, very real.

Clips are shown of anti-gay speakers calling same-sex marriage a “fad,” lying about the research regarding children (Studies in fact show that children of lesbian parents tend to do slightly better than those of opposite sex parents, there are some reasons for this in that lesbians are typically chosing to be parents and not accidentally becoming pregnant as well as higher SES among lebian couples who adopt.  That said, essentially having two parents appears to be more important than what their gender is.  There wasn’t enough of a sample size for gay parents to be studied.) Oh yes and 5,000 years of recorded history which is apparently only referring to Western history and even then it’s only in their heads. Fact I learned: The Catholic Church only made marriage a sacrament after the year 1200. Before that? SECULAR.  And whoever in the film was discussing it made the point that only when you have independent wealth do you have marriage for choice in historical society. Only the nobility could afford courting and then later the entrepreneurs and merchant class, whereas the laborers needed to marry someone who could run the shop, work the vineyards or gather the eggs.  Fact #2: Some German guilds wouldn’t promote a man to Master if he wasn’t married so that someone could run his shop and supervise the apprentices.

Oh yeah and then there was DOMA. Fuck you DOMA and Fuck you Bill Clinton for bragging about signing it. *cough* Sorry. There was a point of just… so much hate.  It’s not just ‘it’s not right to get married’ it’s not an opinion it’s “HOMOS GOTTA GO” it’s “HOMO SEX IS SIN” and yelling about anuses falling out with blood.  It’s horrifying.

I posted something like this to a friend’s Facebook. After Obama finally came out in support of same-sex marriage, he complained that it was too little, too late.  I get to pass right now when it comes to being pansexual. It’s possible at some point I’ll want to marry a girlfriend if I marry at all. But right now I have three boyfriends. I look straight. But there’s also no way in hell I see any politicians standing up and stating that they support my relationship(s). Who’s going to have my back?  And while I support same-sex marriage completely, I’ve watched people in the ‘movement’ throw polyamorous people under the bus.  They want to say that they are not like us. They want to settle down and be “normal” not at all like those people.  The slut-shaming isn’t even very subtle sometimes.

Monogamy works for many people. More power to those people. But polyamory works for some of us too. 500,000 households of us according to a Newsweek article (based on a poly researcher I’m a fan of).  Many of us are bi/pan/polysexual (and there are some biphobia problems in some LG”B”T communities too, but that’s for another time) and whether straight or queer, we’re allies for same-sex marriage. So stop sacrificing us to the altar of societal expectations, please?

Anyway, great movie. I much enjoyed it.



Filed under Politics, Review

2 responses to “What I Watched: Tying the Knot

  1. What you said about passing really struck a chord with me. I am currently a mid-20s woman with a child and have mostly had male partners. This is apparently acceptable to some because that means I’m not really bisexual. Truthfully, I don’t know what I am. I like ladies and I like dudes. I’ve not had great, healthy relationships with ladies but does that make me any less gay for ’em? No. In fact, I’d love to get into a super healthy relationship with a lady who understood that I was new at lady-lovin so I could really get a good, comfy feel for it. But I know in my heart that I could happily settle down with both men and women. But because I have a kid and because I am single right now (sort of. It’s complicated, I guess.), I’m acceptable in the gay rights movement. However, if I were in my last relationship where I was dating both my boyfriend and my girlfriend? Whoops, no we can’t have any of that. That’s just .. wrong. That’s just not okay. Ugh. So, my little rant is in support of your rant because eff the part of the gay community which throws polys under the bus.

    Regarding the movie though, it made me happy and sad at the same time. I cried like, a million times during it but it really seems like society is making progress. Slowly but surely.

    • Stephanie

      Bi/pan- invisibility is already huge. I mean if you marry a man you were just in a phase and if you marry a woman you’re just a lesbian in denial. Thank you for sharing!

      I did tear up all over this movie though, not gonna lie.

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